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Your Identity and Your Tribe




We are the sum of all people we have ever met; you change the tribe and the tribe changes you. Dirk Wittenborn.


Human beings are herd animals. Although we may sometimes wish we could live alone on a desert island, the desire to belong is a fundamental part of human nature, and we are intrinsically driven to belong to a tribe and fit in.


When we are young our habits are formed by imitating those closest to us, our family, our school friends, and our social groups. We automatically try to meet expectations of behaviour and follow the (often invisible) rules that direct our lives so that we feel accepted and valued. The influences of those closest to us run deep, one study found that the higher your friend’s IQ when you are 12, the higher your IQ will be at age 15. It's too late for most of us to re-evaluate our childhood friendships, but even as adults our habits and behaviours, are very much influenced by the people around us.


As we grow older we imitate the habits of people in our wider culture, particularly those we perceive to have status and power. We adopt habits that are praised and approved by our culture because we are seeking acceptance and respect.


According to a study tracking 12,000 people for 32 years, we are 57% more likely to be obese if we have an obese friend, but it works the other way too. Fit and healthy people are more likely to have fit and healthy friends. The desire to belong will always overpower the will to change and as humans we would far rather be ‘wrong’ with the tribe than ‘right’ alone.


Identity is an important factor when it comes to lifestyle changes. Although hanging out with people who are struggling with the same issues as us can feel supportive, it can also entrench our negative feelings and behaviours. Seeing ourselves as someone who has a healthy lifestyle helps us to make healthier choices.


We don’t need to drop our old friends if we want to adopt new habits, but if we also spend time in groups where our new desired behaviour is seen as the default, we have a much better chance of success.


This is especially true for people who want to improve their metabolic and mental health. Finding someone to run or go to the gym with can keep us accountable and helps prevent those last-minute duck outs. Making friends with people who live healthy lifestyles will help us to normalise those behaviours and they will be easier to maintain.


If you want to change your lifestyle and explore other ways to improve your physical, mental, and cognitive health, book a call to discuss how we can help you to live longer, well.


Modern life is seriously bad for our metabolism, leaving many of us struggling with our physical, mental, and cognitive health. But we can take back control and reverse much of the damage that has been done to our bodies and minds. We can also learn how to protect our children from the detrimental effects of metabolic and mitochondrial dysfunction, so they never need to embark on this journey of recovery.

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